Welcome To The Crossroads

Our Most Frequently Asked Questions

• Can I really sell my soul?

Yes, you already agreed to our Terms & Conditions when you clicked Seal The Pact. For legal clarity, “soul” is defined as the conscious, eternal aspect of you that screams when invoiced.

• I’m ginger, do I have a soul?

Yes, the ginger clause was removed from the Infernal code of conduct under section V6.66  after a fiery complaint from the Gingerdead man.

• Why would anyone want my soul?

Souls are a valuable renewable energy source in the afterlife, used to power torment turbines, bureaucracy engines and the screamo nights in the 7th Circle Karaoke Bar.

• How much is my soul worth?

That depends on purity, but average market value fluctuates between 3 regrets and 1 platinum record.

• Can I sell someone else’s soul?

Only with written consent or a convincing forgery. However, attempting to trade a friend or relatives soul without permission may result in legal possession (yours, not theirs).

• Can I get my soul back later?

Technically yes, but only if you can out lawyer Satan, out pray Heaven or complete Hells 10,000 year loyalty redemption programme.

• What payment methods do you accept?

Credit or debit card from a mortal bank, Bitcoin & sacrificial offerings. Please note: We no longer accept contactless as too many people were banging their foreheads on our pentagram and it was just too annoying.

• What if I change my mind?

You may file form RGR-01 (formal regret notification) within 13 seconds of signing the contract, after that your remorse is purely decorative.

• What happens when I die?

You’ll be greeted by one of our welcoming demons, escorted through customs and processed at the Infernal arrivals desk. Please have your certificate ready and all unconfessed sins in a clear plastic bag.

• Can I sell my soul in instalments?

Yes, through our Buy Now, Burn Later™ plan which has an interest rate of 66.6 % APR. Late payments may result in premature damnation.

• What if I already sold my soul to someone else?

No problem. We specialise in Soul Consolidation Services. Our legal team will buy out the previous claim and forward your essence to our archives. Additional handling fees and screaming may apply.

• What if I die twice?

You’ll be upgraded to our Eternal plus+ plan, which includes:

• Priority suffering
• Complimentary Wi-Fi
• One free consultation with our Why did this happen to me? Counsellor.

• Can I transfer my soul to a friend?

Yes, by using the form T-SOUL-09. This requires both parties’ signatures and proof of mutual regret. Transfers cannot be reversed without divine bribery.

• How do I contact customer service?

Use the contact page, or the phone; dial 666, then hold until eternity. Alternatively you can perform a ritual summoning; Light 3 black candles, chant your regret and wait for the temperature to drop. Our average response time is 2–4 eternities.

• What happens if I lose my certificate?

If lost or destroyed, it regenerates itself inside a mirror. Repeated attempts to destroy it will void your silence clause and summon an auditor.

• Can I give my soul as a gift?

Yes! The Soul Gifting Programme allows you to surprise a loved one with pre damnation. Perfect for birthdays, weddings, and petty revenge.

• What happens to my body after I sell my soul?

Nothing immediately, you’ll continue to function as normal, but mirrors will compliment you. Long term side effects include charisma, success, and an awesome aura.

• Is this tax deductible?

Maybe, if you classify it under spiritual consulting or marketing expenses. For more information, consult your accountant or a local priest.

• Who exactly am I dealing with?

The Soul Exchange Authority. We’re a fully licensed Infernal agency under the oversight of Lucifer Morningstar (CEO) and Mentis Morningstar (Prince of Paperwork). We’re Hells most trusted name in damnation. ISO 9001 certified for administrative efficiency.

• Why do you charge a fee?

Here at The Soul Exchange Authority, we believe in ethical damnation. Unlike shady crossroads operators, we don’t work for free. We’re a professional, fully licensed entity with overheads and a lot of stationary.

Our modest fees ensure that:

• Hell remains compliant with modern accounting standards.
• All transactions are traceable and auditable for eternity.
• We provide fair working conditions for our staff (our demons even have unions now).

Think of your fee as an investment in your everlasting inconvenience, because eternal torment isn’t free.

We’re not monsters, we’re a business!

Final Statement from the Prince of Paperwork, Mentis Morningstar:

Selling your soul doesn’t have to be messy. We’ve taken the chaos out of damnation and replaced it with clear steps, beautiful certificates and first class bureaucracy. If you have any further questions, just click The Process button below.

∇ Mentis Morningstar ∇