Welcome To The Crossroads

Hell

Welcome to the Soul Exchange Authority Head Office (Hell HQ) The central administrative hub for all infernal contracts, spiritual transactions and post mortem account management.

Strategically located beneath the Lake of Fire, our headquarters operates 24/7/eternity to ensure the smooth, ethical mismanagement of mortal souls across all realms. We are the original Department of Damnation, the birthplace of every contract ever whispered, every bargain ever sealed and every regret ever posted on social media.

Each department from Hellfire Resources (HR) to Eternal Compliance, reports directly to the Board of the Damned, chaired by Satan and managed daily by his offspring Mentis Morningstar, Duke of Despair & Infernal Operations Manager. Our goal is simply to maintain the delicate balance between chaos and control, sin and structure, damnation and data entry.

We are not villains, we are the administrators of inevitability.

Before the establishment of the Head Office, Hell was in disarray. Deals were double booked, souls went missing and demons worked freelance. There was no standardised torment quota, no customer care and no return policy. We still run a strict no returns policy, something that we’re extremely proud of.

In the aftermath of the Great Fall, Satan convened the first Infernal Council and declared:

“Let there be order and let it be terrifyingly well documented.”

From that decree, the Soul Exchange Authority office was born.

We exist to:

• Centralise Eternal Operations
  All contracts, curses and condemnations are filed, stamped and archived in the Lake of Fire records division (Sub Basement 9).

• Ensure Legal Damnation Compliance
  Every soul transaction passes through Malcolm Malfeas, our Chief Compliance Fiend, to ensure no mortal escapes through a moral loophole.

• Streamline Torment Logistics
  Using cutting edge infernal analytics and several spreadsheets, we allocate suffering efficiently across the seven circles (technically it’s nine, but who’s counting?)

• Protect Brand Hell
  Consistency matters. Whether you’re a casual sinner or a high value blasphemer, you’ll experience the same quality of damnation every time.

• Support Our Global Branches
  With regional offices in London, New York and Limbo. Hell HQ ensures all subsidiaries meet infernal service standards and quarterly despair targets.

Departments Within Hell HQ

• Department of Soul Acquisition & Retention (The Soul Exchange Authority)
• Eternal Auditing & Afterlife Analytics
• Hellfire Resources (HR)
• Legal & Compliance (Loopholes & Regret Division)
• Public Relations & Propaganda
• Torment Logistics & Scheduling
• Lost Souls Department (currently under reorganisation)

Hells Leadership:

• Lucifer Morningstar/Satan/The Devil/Beelzebub – CEO & Supreme Overlord of Operations
• Lady Seraphine/Mrs Morningstar – Director of Emotional Manipulation & Infernal Morale
• Mentis Morningstar – Infernal Operations Manager, Son of Satan & Head of The Soul Exchange Authority
• Lucinda Cinders – Senior HR Demoness, Department of Hellfire Resources
• Stanley Sulphur – Director of Infernal Accounting
• Malcolm Malfeas – Chief Compliance Fiend
• Karen from the Abyss – Customer Complaints Liaison (still on hold since 1643)