OFFICIAL SOUL TRANSFER AGREEMENT

PARTIES TO THE AGREEMENT

This Soul Transfer Agreement (The Pact) is made between:

1. The Soul Exchange Authority (SEA), an infernal administrative body operating under the jurisdiction of Hells department of Eternal Administration, specialising in the acquisition, processing and creative misuse of souls;

and

2. You, the undersigned mortal human (The Applicant).

Together referred to as “The Parties” 

• ARTICLE I: PURPOSE OF THIS UNHOLY DOCUMENT

1.1. The purpose of this Agreement is to formally transfer your immortal soul from your possession to the Soul Exchange Authority, in exchange for such benefits, illusions of power, ego boosts, or questionable life upgrades as may be negotiated or vaguely implied.

1.2. By entering into this Agreement, you acknowledge that you have decided, of your own free will and/or poor impulse control, to sell your soul to SEA.

• ARTICLE II: DESCRIPTION OF SOUL

2.1. For the avoidance of doubt, “Soul” shall mean, without limitation:

• Your essence, consciousness, vibe, aura and whatever it is that sings internally at 3 a.m.
• All emotional baggage, unresolved childhood issues and embarrassing memories from school.
• Any and all potential for redemption, spiritual growth or finding yourself on a retreat in Bali.

2.2. The Soul is accepted by SEA on an “as is, no returns, no cooling off period” basis.

2.3. The Soul may arrive slightly fractured, extremely anxious, or covered in glitter. SEA accepts all states and conditions, including but not limited to:

• Emotionally unavailable
• Obsessed with true crime
• It’s complicated

• ARTICLE III: CONSIDERATION

(What you get out of this ordeal)

3.1. In exchange for the Soul, SEA may, at its sole infernal discretion, provide one or more of the following perks, benefits, or delusions:

• Temporary success, fame or good parking spaces.
• Charisma, magnetism, stage presence and the ability to always pick the nicest takeaway.
• Unfair good luck in minor situations (e.g. The last slice of pizza is always yours).
• Whispers of forbidden knowledge, usually at inconvenient times.
• A certificate of your registration and various other bits & bobs (dependant on your package).

3.2. The exact terms of your deal may be:

• Specifically negotiated (see signed Addendum, sticky note, or blood signed napkin)
• Vaguely implied, misremembered and later blamed on the wording of the contract.

3.3. SEA makes no guarantee that you will be satisfied, fulfilled, or emotionally stable as a result of this transaction. That’s on you.

• ARTICLE IV: OBLIGATIONS OF THE SELLER

4.1. You agree to:

• Hand over your Soul in full, including all attachments and expansions.
• Pay our transaction fee.
• Stop pretending it’s on loan or just a trial period.
• Refrain from selling, leasing or gifting your soul to any third party, deity, demon or influencer once this Agreement is signed.

4.2. You agree not to:

• Attempt chargebacks with celestial authorities.
• Claim you didn’t read it properly. You did. You just skimmed and hoped for the best.
• Blame a Mercury retrograde for your poor contractual decisions.

• ARTICLE V: OBLIGATIONS OF THE SOUL EXCHANGE AUTHORITY

5.1. SEA shall:

• Duly register your Soul in the Infernal register of acquired assets.
• Assign your case to a licensed Demonic Field Agent, Intern or Karen from the Abyss.
• Ensure your Soul is stored, tormented or repurposed in accordance with infernal Hellfire Regulations and workplace safety standards.

5.2. SEA may, from time to time, use your Soul for one or more of the following:

• Fuel for infernal bureaucracy.
• Training simulations for junior demons learning advanced torment techniques.
• Background ambience in the department of Eternal Screaming.
• Decorative purposes at the annual Hell Christmas Party.

• ARTICLE VI: TERM OF THE AGREEMENT

6.1. This Agreement begins on the date you sign below (the effective date) and continues for the duration of your mortal life and for all eternity thereafter, including post credit scenes, director’s cuts, remakes and reboots.

6.2. The Agreement may not be cancelled, revoked, or renegotiated, except in cases of administrative error caused by a demon spilling coffee on the transaction files or the Universe experiencing a full cosmic factory reset.

6.3. Prayers, crystals, vision boards and strongly worded emails to management do not constitute valid methods of termination.

• ARTICLE VII: TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP

7.1. Upon signing this Agreement, full title, rights and ownership of the soul immediately pass to SEA.

7.2. You retain no residual rights, including but not limited to:

• Right of access
• Right of deletion
• Right to complain that this isn’t what I signed up for

7.3. SEA reserves the right to trade, lease, mortgage, swap or display your Soul at:

• Regulated Crossroads
• Auctions
• Staff parties
• Training days
• Mandatory HR presentations

• ARTICLE VIII: CONDUCT & AFTERLIFE EXPECTATIONS

8.1. Following the effective date, you agree to live your remaining mortal life however you wish, with the understanding that:

• Your choices may be used as comedic material in your afterlife.
• Your life story will be read aloud in front of a live studio audience.

8.2. SEA does not control your day to day mortal decisions. It merely waits, patiently, smirking!

• ARTICLE IX: MISCELLANEOUS

9.1. Severability: If any clause of this Agreement is found unenforceable by any cosmic authority, the remaining clauses shall continue in full dramatic effect.

9.2. Amendments: Any changes to this Agreement must be approved in triplicate, stamped by Hells HR, lost for six centuries, then rediscovered in a dusty archive and ritualistically re signed.

9.3. Governing Law: This Agreement is governed by the ancient and sacred principles of chaos, irony and dark humour.

• ARTICLE X: ACCEPTANCE

By signing below, you, The Applicant, confirm that you:

1. Have read this entire agreement or at least scrolled to the bottom like everyone else.
2. Are at least 18 years of age.
3. Understand that you are, theatrically and wholeheartedly, selling your soul to the Soul Exchange Authority.
4. Accept your fate with a mixture of dread, curiosity and mild excitement.