A step by step guide to selling your soul.

So, you’ve decided to sell your soul? Congratulations! You’ve made the only truly permanent career move. Whether you want fame, fortune, love, talent or a verified social media account. The Soul Exchange Authority (SEA) ensures your transaction is handled legally, ethically(ish) and with the proper paperwork.

Below is your complete step by step guide to selling your soul through our official channels.

Please read carefully as there will be no refunds!

Step 1: Determine your intent

Before any paperwork can begin, you’ll need to be clear about what you want in return.

We offer four primary exchange categories:

• Fame & Fortune Package: Ideal for musicians, influencers and anyone with more ring lights than sense.
• Love & Obsession Deal: For romantics, stalkers or people who believe in soulmates (oh the irony!)
• Talent & Power Bundle: Popular among politicians, actors, footballers and magicians.
• Custom Agreement: For unique requests such as immortality, revenge or better skin.

Once your goal is identified, a representative demon will assign you a Sin Registration Number (SRN) and direct you to the proper paperwork.

Step 2: Complete the soul exchange application (Form 666-A)

All applicants must complete the form 666-A: The declaration of eternal surrender, which includes:

• Your full legal name & stage name (if applicable)
• Date of birth and estimated date of regret.
• Your true desire.
• Your mortal signature. Blood is optional but encouraged.
• Preferred method of contact (email, talking pentagram, Ouija, etc)

You can submit your form in any of the following ways:

• Digitally: via our Infernal Portal™ (requires stable Wi-Fi and unstable morals)
• Physically: by mailing your form to The Soul Exchange Authority, 27th Floor, Infernal Tower, Hell.

Once received, our processing imps will file, stamp and singe your paperwork within 3–5 business days (can be longer during apocalypse season)

Step 3: Review your contract

A personalised Soul Exchange Contract will be drafted by our legal division under the supervision of Malcolm Malfeas, Chief Compliance Fiend.

This document outlines:

• The terms of your damnation
• The benefits you’ll receive (subject to Infernal approval)
• Your eternal obligations
• The small print (which may or may not be visible to the human eye)

You are encouraged to read your contract carefully. You are also encouraged to ignore this advice.

Step 4: Submit payment (Processing Fee)

Unlike amateur crossroads dealers, The Soul Exchange Authority charges a small processing fee which covers:

• Administrative costs (ink, fireproof filing cabinets and lost soul insurance)
• Ritual maintenance
• Demonic labour (we pay our imps a living damnation wage)
• Paperwork singeing and signature burning

Current Fees:

• £6.66 Digital certificate, basic damnation.
• £26.66 Deluxe parchment edition, certificate with embossed seal and a Soul Identification (SIN) Card
• £66.60 Collectors cursed edition, includes box, certificate, signed contract and Soul Identification (SIN) Card

The fee is not a payment for your soul, it’s a processing charge for the paperwork required to legally separate you from it. Think of it like a handling fee… For your eternal essence.

Step 5: Sign and seal the contract

Once your payment is received and your contract prepared, you’ll receive instructions on how to finalise your deal.

Options include:

• Traditional Method: Sign the contract under moonlight with a drop of your own blood.
• Express Method: Click I Agree in our digital form (note: Hell now accepts e signatures)
• Ritual Method: Attend your local Soul Exchange Authority office or summon an authorised Demonic Field Agent using incense and jazz music.

Upon completion, you will receive your official Soul Exchange certificate confirming your successful surrender of spiritual ownership.

Step 6: Post sale support

Congratulations. You’re officially damned!

From here, you’ll be assigned an Afterlife Liaison Officer who will manage your torment plan, customer profile and future upgrades (should you wish to exchange additional virtues later).

We also offer a Post Damnation Support hotline which is available 24/7/eternity for any mortal concerns such as:

• Buyer’s remorse
• Sudden existential awareness
• Poltergeist activity
• Unexplained success

Please note: All complaints are logged, appreciated and immediately ignored.

This guide is brought to you by the Soul Exchange Authority because even damnation deserves administration.